UN- EXPECTATIONS: February 2011

Monday, February 28, 2011

Mean Old ladies-

Captains Log: 20-32- Post in a timely manner. Finish the 32 posts that you started before they are outdated.

The ugliest of mornings turns beautiful when I see Lx smiling. Every day I am greeted with the biggest, warmest smile from my beautiful baby girl. She is a blast. I feel like I am one of the luckiest Moms ever.

I am very impressed by Lxa' s physical development. She is rolling and trying to crawl. Currently, she pushes herself forward and gets to where she wants to go. Like me, she gets flustered easily, Imagine that? lol

This weekend I got to see a few people that I have not seen in ages. Oh Joy! Thank smart people for an open bar and irish bartender that knew his liquor. Since my first date with X in 1993, I have had to put up with an annoying woman. Back then I was told to just ignore one of them. At what point does,

"she is old"

stop being an excuse for ignorance, cruel words and stupidity?

For 18 years, I have dealt with her "oldness" She is not getting any younger- You would think that being close to death's door would scare the old religious lady but apparently hell does not scare her at all.

Lets not even talk about her stealing my lollipops saturday. I could not make this stuff up if I tried.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Love

For a moment all the world was right How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance ~Garth Brooks

If you were to change the outcome of events, what else would change in your life? How would that change ripple through the rest of your life?

Our experiences shape who we are and what we become. It changes our perception of the world and our relations within it. I hate that "cliche" everything happens for a reason; however, I believe that it all works out in the end.

I overheard X talking to Lx. "You are such a funny girl, I love you so much." That is what life is all about- Love, family, and an appreciation for life.

A few months ago, C and I saw Shinedown in an acoustic "Storytellers" format and it was a fantastic show. Nothing beats the opportunity to share these moments with your child. We love Shinedown so it was simply amazing. Must admit I had goose bumps when they sang- The Crow and the Butterfly which is about a Mom losing her child and the memories that remain. The child is the crow and the Mom is the Butterfly. It makes perfect sense.

http://youtu.be/1B89Osfj8dg?hd=1

Thursday, February 24, 2011

FB during my Hospital Stay

As I was tooling through old messages, I thought that this would be fun to share. It shows the actual time frame of events.

Remind me-- i can do this!! Bob is still hanging in there! 28 and 1 day! Not sure of the plan besides do whatever necessary to stay preg for a few more weeks. Met with neonatal dr last night to discuss what will happen if I have her in the next few days... Scary!!

June 24 5:08pm

Ame

Aww ! The minute C saw x he said Mom's in the hospital.. you're wearing a pink bracelet... Hope you have a great visit with them.. rest up..Text me if you need anything.. ;)

June 24, 2010 at 5:08pm

The specialist and 1 dr in my general ob practice seem to think that I will be here until the baby is born.  Had a wonderful visit with the kids !!

June 24, 2010 at 8:40pm via iPhone · · Like ·

Thank you family and friends for stepping up and helping my family during this difficult time! I don't know what I would do without you...

June 26, 2010 at 4:02pm via iPhone · · Like ·

Your one bad ass momma - I love you - cant wait till you come home

June 26, 2010 at 10:49pm · Like · · See Friendship

HI Nicole, I see your unforuntate news and the posts you are working off a phone.. I have a spare laptop that works well, would you like me to bring it down to you?? I can bring you something to eat and the laptop this week! Just let me know! I would not have survived without my laptop!!

June 27, 2010 at 2:09pm · Like · · See Friendship

Mom V

You hang in there baby girl.....you are one tough cookie!!!!! Your little princess will be fine!!!! Luv Ya.......

June 29, 2010 at 9:13am · Like · · See Friendship

I am borrowing a laptop (still not used to people being kind) and I must say it really it has lifted my spirits. Thanks M!!!!!! I really enjoyed our visit.

June 29, 2010 at 7:14pm · · Like ·

‎29 weeks today..... 1 full week in motayho complete.  On a random note, I think I sleep every other day.

June 30, 2010 at 1:53am via iPhone · · Like ·

There is a saying that even a broken clock is right twice a day; not in this room! It was click click, tick tick, clunk clunk and banging all night. They must fix my clock or change my room if I am staying here forever. lol

July 2, 2010 at 6:31am · · Like ·

Happy 12th Anniversary to us! We must make it look easy. Miss you and love you babe - wish you were here - can't wait till your out. See you for breakfast???

July 3, 2010 at 11:31pm · Like · · See Friendship

‎30 WEEKS TODAY! 2 Weeks in the MoTayHo  When will she make her grand appearance?

July 7, 2010 at 9:56am · · Like ·

Eating cherries while watching soccer: a great American pass time. Vamos españa!

July 11, 2010 at 3:16pm via iPhone · · Like ·

Physical Therapy was fun. Flex your foot- move your ankle

July 13, 2010 at 2:23pm · · Like ·

31 weeks today! 3 weeks in the MoTayho....

July 14, 2010 at 8:21am via iPhone · · Like ·

yum yum, a large vanilla coolata. Thanks Kath!!

July 16, 2010 at 7:12pm · · Like ·

Too much sugar.... lol

uly 16, 2010 at 10:50pm

YAY, Tori Amos concert on PBS! Who knew........

July 16, 2010 at 11:01pm · · Like ·

HAPPY SATURDAY! 31 Weeks 3 Days!!

July 17, 2010 at 11:03am

A day full of contractions but mind has won over matter (so far).

July 18, 2010 at 8:26pm · · Like ·

WOW, QUITE THE DOWN POUR THIS MORNING

July 19, 2010 at 7:08am · · Like ·

There's no earthly way of knowing/Which direction they are going... There's no knowing where they're rowing.Or which way the river's flowing... Is it raining, is it snowing?/Is a hurricane a-blowing? Not a speck of light is showing/So the danger must be growing... Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?/Is the grisly Reaper mowing?/Yes! The danger must be growing/'Cause the rowers keep on rowing/ And they're certainly not showing/Any sign that they are slowing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3CsoSUqRwU

July 19, 2010 at 6:54pm · · Like · · Share

. RE: What do the lyrics mean? Are they if personal significance to you?

. July 19, 2010 at 7:00pm · Like

. RE- ME: love Willy Wonka and was in a wonka mood. I discovered my diabetes is back! Not a happy girl this evening!
IT MEANS:Everything is out of my control and unknown.

. July 19, 2010 at 11:04pm

Drank a small iced cofee from DD and visited with Brooke during day. Got really sick tonight. Looks like my gestational diabetes might be back again.  AND I THOUGHT THE FOOD SUCKED NOW!

July 19, 2010 at 10:58pm · · Like ·

. Shan sorry to hear..i was going to stop over and see you tonight but it was after 8 and i remembered seeing that X comes down around 8 so i didn't want to bother you guys

. July 19, 2010 at 11:24pm · Like

. ME: yes, x was here as well as the dr cause 80% of body had pins and needles and I felt like I was gonna pass out. They, think it might be the steroid shot in combo with high sugar. Your thoughts were greatly appreciated today!

. July 19, 2010 at 11:28pm · Like

. Shan no problem! hope you feel better soon and i hope for your sake and bob's that she stays put a little longer!

. July 19, 2010 at 11:34pm · Like

. Nurse K Ohhh...nik sorry to hear that! Hope u r feeling better. We will talk tom, get some rest!

. July 20, 2010 at 12:09am · Like

. Me Oh K, now I have that ligament pain that won't seem to go away. Normally it goes away in a min or so and this has been causing me grief for 15-20 min now!!! WTF? Today is a bad day!!!!! Lol

. July 20, 2010 at 12:13am · Like

. Nurse K: OMG...there goes the rest idea! She needs to move position it sounds like. U have had a bad enough day!

. July 20, 2010 at 12:19am · Like

. ME I have been trying to nudge her, poke and prod. Think I need to jump up and down- would that be shaken baby? Lol took some Tylenol- miracle drug? Haha*The Gestapo is suppose to visit me in the am: The dreaded endocrinologists lol

July 20, 2010 at 12:37am ·

Alexa Nicole was born at 5:48 am on 7-20-10. She is 4lbs 9oz 17inches at 31 week 6 days gestation. She is stable in the Nicu getting some oxygen and dealing with low glucose. what a crazy journey.

July 20, 2010 at 6:56am via iPhone · · Like ·

Nurse K

Yay!!! Congrats to both of you! Nik, so proud of u and your determination to get Alexa to almost 32 wks. The hostage crisis is over!!! She is beautiful!! Luv u =)

July 20, 2010 at 9:46am via iPhone · Like · · See Friendship

This is my last night at the Motayho! Tomorrow morning I am free: no longer a hostage of pregnancy. Sadly, I will be leaving Alexa in the NICU. Hopefully, she will grow stronger each day and be able to kick butt in no time.

July 21, 2010 at 7:00pm via iPhone · · Like ·

Yes, it is true. I have been released from prison. lol lol Really, I resigned to be a stay home Mommy.

August 23, 2010 at 6:21pm · · Like ·

It was great that I had a wonderful support system. It allowed me to see who cared about me.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Must Take after Father

What did I get myself into? Sometime I feel like I am living in a nut house. Screaming nutty chaos! I type as I rock Lx in her chair. She is very particular with her likes and dislikes. In addition, she is stubborn. She must take after her father.

Food/feeding is a challenge. Bean decided that she does not like meat anymore so she feeds it to the dog, who in turn, stinks us out of home. [yes, the dog is allergic to most food and suffers intestinal problems}. Bean yells, "Bay yee" as she slides her hand down under the table to feed him. Then I have Lx who refuses to eat veggies. I try to sneak them in with fruit, but she spits them out. Frequently. she will stick her tongue out in such a way that you cannot sneak food in if you try. Her tongue is like a brick wall.

A friend of mine says: "If you're going to choose the wrong fight, at least choose the right weapon."

It is amazing to have two girls close in age that are so different ranging from physical attributes and likes to social interaction. It is neat to watch. Lxa is very particular where Bean can careless in most cases. She is super skinny and unbelievably flexible while Lx is sturdy and strong. They are almost equal in size with Bean being a bit taller. In a pinch, I can throw Lx's pants on Bean and because her waist is so tiny they fall and fit her in the length. Lx has this huge smile and belly laugh while Bean is more low key. I can't wait until they are old enough to play together. It will make our trips to the baby obstacle course so much more fun.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Valentines day

Reflection

Why am I trying to keep a blog when I do not have time for sanity or insanity.

When I reflect on the last few years, it almost seems unreal. As though what happened is somebody elses' reality and not mine. hmm what did happen? I reflect in awe. I have been through so much. From the death of one daughter to the birth of two more daughters. Everything is a blur-- Goodbye career and so called "friends". Hello new life.

I met a woman recently who was experiencing similar pregnancy related problems. Like me, she tried like hell to stay pregnant. Despite her best efforts. she went into labor early (about 26 weeks). Weighing in at 2lbs, her son's condition is stable. My heart broke. Time stopped as my whole situation flashed before me. I know what it feels like to do everything you could to save your baby's life but your body says NO. It just seems so unfair.

Life is unfair though right?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Lxa got her two bottom teeth by 4 months and starting flipping over at 5!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

RSV!

Every 28 days, Lx gets a RSV (synagis) vaccination. This shot costs over $1000 per month.
Guess what Lx has?
RSV!!! WTF

We have to watch her closely for the next 10 days administering breathing treatments every six hours. If her breathing becomes any more irregular than it currently is, we need to go to the hopital. :0(

Lxa is sick :0(

UN- EXPECTATIONS

haha

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