Only a few days left until Christmas and nearly a month has passed since my Mom died. I am still not sure what I am going to do without her. :0(

I am so sick of everything and everyone.

I know that I am suppose to take things one day at a time but the minutes seem endless and  these days are too long.

I sit awake counting the sad days... 1, 2, 3 thats too many for me.

Love Is Watching Someone Die

"LOVE IS WATCHING SOMEONE DIE"  death cab for cutie

 The rate at which my Mom's health deteriorated is difficult to wrap my head around. The last time my Mom was feeling up to visiting was on Halloween Oct 31, 2011. That was the last time that she came to my house.
    As November progressed, my Mom's cough got worse. Cole slept over  her house Sat Nov 12 and on Monday Nov 14, she received the news that the cancer was aggressive, not responding to chemo and spreading. All of her hope was crushed. I hung out with her Tuesday but she was super tired. By Wednesday, she was in pain, coughing up mucous nonstop, turning blue and unable to eat or drink anything without choking. I asked her what does SHE want to do at this point. She said, GO TO SLEEP.  Looking for alternatives I asked about the Cancer Treatment Center of America and she said, she wasn't interested.  "If they could cure everyone, nobody would die from cancer." I responded,  do you want me to call hospice?  she said, if you think it is a good idea. At that moment, I just started to sob as I hugged her like a little girl. She too began to cry.  She was defeated. I knew in my heart that the cancer won and that I was going to lose my Mom. Through my tears I said, I am sorry Mom, I am selfish. I don't want to see you suffer but I don't want to say Goodbye either. I want my Mom. I want my kids to have their Nawney. Life seems so unfair sometimes.

       9 days after entering the Hospice Inpatient Unit, My Mom passed away. I was beat down physically and mentally. My Dad and I took turns and shifts at the hospital. We both feared that if we left, she would feel alone and we didn't want her to be alone when she died.  Every day I wondered, will today be the day?  My Dad on the otherhand held onto the belief that he would be taking her home and we would tend to her needs there just as we did the first night.   

      On Sunday Nov 27, I rushed to get out of my house and to the hospital. I normally left my house around 10 and got there around 10:30 but on this day, I was out of the house earlier.  Before going upstairs to 7777, I stopped to have a cigarette.  One of my Mom's nurses joined me and when I asked about her status, she said, no change; however, she felt that my Mom was slipping into a coma.  When I got upstairs, my Mom's eyes were half open and grey and as she stared out the window. I hugged her and rested my head on hers, kissing her gently and said, Mom, I love you. She gave me a slight nod.  I said, I know, you love me too.  My phone rang and I excused myself.  My Dad was hugging her and talking about shopping for my Barbie. Suddenly, my Dad comes running out of the room.  Nicole, I think she is gone.  I ran in and placed my hand on her chest and she was no longer breathing. She was gone.  My Mom died at 10am.  My Dad and I embraced as the tears flowed. We both lost out best friend. Now what?
    When Aria died, she was wrapped in a yellow blanket before she was taken to the funeral home.  The blanket was about the size of a piece of paper. When my Mom first entered the hospital, I gave her the blanket in lieu of a stuffed toy. The blanket meant the world to me because it was the only thing I have left to remind me of Aria. That blanket went with my Mom to the funeral home too. The funeral director was going to give it back but I sent it to be cremated. I don't know--- I just didn't want my Mom to feel alone for a single minute.
     I made it through the viewing with my best friends- Eric and Poppy by my side. Strangely, the viewing seemed easy. Watching my Mom waste away to bones and actually seeing her die was guesome. At the viewing, she looked like a stranger. A stranger about to smile.  I was standing over her body trying to fix her wig. She never feathered her hair. As I was doing this, I hit her cold, odd feeling ear and exclaimed, ICK, aloud, which made me start laughing.  I guess a girl standing over a dead body laughing hysterically looks a bit weird. My odd child says, Ma, you better check on my oddmother, she is laughing.  It just reminded me of all the funny things that my Mom, Poppy and I  would laugh about.
     I am not sure that I have grieved because I am so busy with the girls and trying to help my poor dad. I am starting to feel a bit burned out.  I wish I could skip xmas this year, FAST FWD please.

My children are so lucky to have an AWESOME DADDY!

You Are my Sunshine

Isn't it amazing how this song can go from disney giddy to depressing?  




After the grief and sorrow, comes some sense of stability in an unstable world.  IT IS TIMES LIKE THESE..............

Happy Birthday Aria

HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY ARIA

I saw this quote yesterday and thought, how true!


“A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn’t will find an excuse.”


How many people do you know who claim to want something so badly, yet they never achieve the goal or desired outcome?

Interesting quote.

"If it ends, it will  always be badly; otherwise, it would never end."

First Birthday

SUCCESS!

The first birthday party was awesome.  Great friends, a fantastic cake, hot sunny weather and a pool as warm as bath water. What more can you ask for? 

                 

Lennon say Hi to Aria for me.

My heart is breaking. When a pregnancy is progressing smoothly, complications are unexpected. A great friend of mine, who was the happiest pregnant lady ever, was planning her baby shower two weeks from today. It was discovered  that the baby was developing fluid around his lungs and during the examination, Mom's water broke. She was rushed to LVH. where she delivered vaginally. Despite all attempts, the baby's heart rate did not increase. He died in his Mom's arms 1hr after birth. Life just seems so unfair. I exclaimed. OMG-OMG- X, her baby is dead.  Instant flashback to holding Aria knowing she was going to die,  Nothing in life prepares you to lose your baby. With a baby comes a bunch of dreams and aspirations- a future. When that life ceases,  a future also dies.
     R.I.P baby boy.  Lennon, you will be forever missed and loved by your Mommy.

Ashes to Ashes.
Love to our Forever Babies.

Just a Pile of Junk

People spend an entire life accumulating STUFF. In the end, what does the stuff mean? NOTHING. It is a mess left behind for someone to sort through. Bag it up, throw it away. Goodbye life, It really is sad when you think about it.

Look what I found. I wrote this March 1997. I was living in Brooklyn at the time. Why did I stop writing letters to people who don't have email?  My Aunt was a born again Christian. As the pastor said at her memorial- A prayer warrior.

Death, Blogging vs Journal

Captain's Log 7-72011

I don't even know where to begin. Our trip to Essex, CT was terrific, The girls LOVED the beach. Lx was the sand eater and Athena was the sand thrower.  As always, Cole was mellow. After CT, we drove to NY, NY and stayed with our BF in the east village. For the 4th, we saw the macy's fireworks.

*BOOM*

A fragment of  ?? landed in Cole's eye. Instant pain. In a crowd of 1000's. I have to be mean.  Suck it up, we got to get back to the apt, and get on the road to go home. We will go to the eye dr first thing in the am.

We are trying to leave and get stuck in a ridiculous amount of Tunnel traffic for an hour+. We get through the tunnel and my tire goes flat!!! We back down an on ramp and make it to this spooky little gas station in the NJ somewhere. maybe Newark?  By this time, we are exhausted and have 3 sleeping children in the back seat. Finally, we  get on the road and X starts falling asleep despite all my attempts to keep him awake. People who know me, know that I cannot see at night. I figured me not seeing is safer than his swaying into other lanes. Must try to keep my babies safe. Home safely at 3:30am. X was suppose to be at work by 7:00.  At 7, Bean starts yelling UP. I look over and realize that X did not get up for work.

At 8:00, I received a phone call from my dad that my aunt donna died. WHAT?!  Although she was suffering with Lupus, this was sudden.  Apparently, she fell and hit her head. She climbed back into her bed and died. It is assumed that she died Saturday night or Sunday morning. She was found July 4 when her friends realized that she did not get her Sunday paper.

While X was changing my flat, I posted on FB about being stuck. Come to realize that when my friend said,  "take your time, be safe etc etc" it had more meaning than usual. He was the first responder to the 911 call.  He knew what I was returning home to.  Coming through  the door of her apartment, he was bombarded with pictures of me, X and my children. His first though, shit, this is Nik's Mom.  My Aunt and I were close. Probably, just as close as me and my Mom.

A week ago, I spoke to her. She sounded off. Not herself at all. I expressed concern, However, I never imagined it would come to this. The obituary hit me like a tidal wave. Ouch! Preceded in death by her niece Aria, OMG- my daughter. It is in writing. Because nobody met her, I think people forget that she existed.  Oh Aunt Donna, if there is a heaven, I hope you are cuddling with Aria and Jason.

As I stood in the line at the viewing, all of her friends said, she loved you and your children so much. We feel like we know you and X. My response, I KNOW, I KNOW.   We went to her apartment last night because the exec of the will needed the checkbook and such. We had to rummage through paperwork. I found journals and read a few entries. Then found the one from 2008. I opened up to my pregnancy with Aria. Every entry expressed concerned about my well being. "Nicole, is bleeding again; I am so worried." Then on the day Aria died, she wrote about the time I called, the birth and went on to say she just couldn't stop crying. On other days I saw posts that said, nobody called me today....... I suggested that we toss them or at least that my Mom not read them. Who knows what is written.

Anyway during the service the pastor went on a love Jesus join the church tirade. I literally stared at the floor and heard LA LA LA LA LA drowning him out. X on the other hand focused on the phrase PRAYER WARRIOR and thought it should have been followed by tiger blood and Madonna's DNA. lol This love Jesus speech made me stop crying and get annoyed so I reckon it was a good thing.

This brings me to the question:
Old school handwritten journal. Is it meant to be read or shared upon death?  These online blogs or journals are going to be read, which alters thoughts or true feelings,  A journal on the other hand is personal in my opinion.  What good is it now to find out that she was in a lot of pain? that she was sad that nobody called? hurt that people did not visit?

This is a lot to absorb in a short amount of time.
RECOVERY.............................

You & Me doll

Captains Log: 06202011

My baby girls is 11 months old today. I cannot believe a year is quick approaching.

This week I am leaving for a few days to go to Newport, Rhode Island. I know I need some time away from the girls but I am having pre- separation anxiety. lol My baby cries when I leave the room. I hope she is ok for 3.5 days without Mommy.

On a serious note, my 19 month old daughter broke the head off of a You & Me doll, which is an exclusive Toys R Us item, Because this doll babbles and such there were wires exposed. I believe a piece of plastic may have snapped. I have been unable to locate it. Check out the masking tape that she could have eaten and the frayed wires inside. SCARY STUFF!!!  I contacted Toys R Us and they sent the information to their safety department. They were very quick to respond via email and phone.

One Year.......

One year ago today, I was considered disabled, removed from work and placed on bed rest. Reality sunk in laced with the feelings of panic and fear. The thoughts were rushing through my head like the flooded Mississippi heading toward New Orleans.  I was completely overwhelmed by the situation.

Its too early to have Alexa, I was only 24 weeks. Death or lifelong disabilities possible. I have no annual leave or sick time at work: How will we live without a check?  Who is going to help me since I am not suppose to lift Bean?"

 I was reassured that everything works out in the end, 

Car Seat Recall

After receiving a notice from Diapers.com regarding a recall of car seats, I looked it up online and my seat is recalled due to a possible problem with the straps. No biggie. However, after looking at an earlier recall I had a Ah Hah moment. 


I love my carseat because it attaches to the Quinny stroller without a problem. It is also nice looking. Since getting this carseat in 2008 for Athena, we have had problems getting the seat to attach to the base. Because I do it so often, I learned the tricks to maneuver the seat to get it to click into the base. Others who use it cannot get it to attach despite their best efforts, which is a safety risk.  I just figured that it was a difficult seat to use and I would give it a poor rating for ease of use.   


My seat is model 22371-CIP but it was manufactured 9/8/09.  Because of the date of manufacture, it is not on the recall list. However, I am experiencing the same problems as previous models listed.  I contacted Dorel and they are picking up my base on Thursday to have quality control/safety group check it out.   


Dorel Juvenile Group (DJG) is recalling certain Maxi-Cosi Mico infant child restraint systems, models 22-371 and 22-372, and Maxi-Cosi Mico infant child restraint system - base only, model 22-515, produced from July 2007 through February 17, 2008. Interference between the mounting bracket and the base caused by warping of the base or inadequate mating between the shell and the base mounting bracket can result in difficulty attaching or detaching the shell from the base. If the shell is improperly mounted to the base, the child could be injured in the event of a crash. DJG will notify all registered owners and will send a new Mico base to owners of the affected seats free of charge. The safety recall is expected to begin on or about July 24, 2009. Owners may contact DJG at 1-877-657-9546.

Happy Easter

It is sad that I am missing one child an A in the triple (Athena, Alexa - Aria).  

The children that I have are amazing. Each day I feel lucky before I get overwhelmed with the mess! LMAO  

Monumental Day!

Lx finally ate veggies! woo hoo

This calls for some VeggieTales

r upon his lap there sat a treat so fondly, of chocolate this and chocolate that.
Deliciousness that makes him feel so dandy, a chocolate bliss a chocolate snack.
Confections such as these are more than candy, somewhat like life, a box of that.
 I have my chocolate placed upon my lap. I feel so good; you just cannot top that.
I have my snack, a chocolate pack, of chocolate this and chocolate that.
Oh golly Mr. Nezzer, now what do you think of that?
Now time was passing and the sun grew hotter, upon his hat and his chocolate snack.
So beneath his hat he thought and pondered. What should I do, to save my hat?
He thought, and contemplated as he perspired, beneath his hat.Upon his lap.
He feared his chocolate treats would soon retire, into a pool...a chocolate vat.
I won't feel grand if I take off my hat. The sun's getting hot and my hat just might go flat. My hat, it might go flat, and my sweets will melt like that...
Oh hurry Mr. Trolley before my dapperness goes flat.
He decided to forego his looks so dashing, to save his hat and little snack.
 So he placed the treats upon the seat beside him and put his hat on top of that.
 Oh please Oh please, oh please!
Don't anybody sit close to me, upon my hat. I ask, if all of you could be so kindly, and just stand back, away from my snack!
A great big squash just sat upon my heat. A great big squash just squished my hat real flat. He squashed my hat, he made it flat, he squished my snack, oh what of that? Oh tell me anybody, now what do you think of that?
A great big squash just sat upon his hat. A great big enormous squash squished his hat real flat. He squashed his hat, he made it flat, he squished his snack, oh what of that?

Imitating The Boxer

Athena is at the age now where she copies everything. I thought that this was so cute and funny.

Nine Inch Nail Lullabies

My lil lady is cranky today. boo. Despite her mood, I can make her laugh by playing By the Way by the Chili peppers.  I wonder if she remembers me singing it to her in the NICU.  Everyday as I drove to the hospital, I would suffer a panic attack. Fear- that something might be wrong. Again, there was no rhyme or reason.

I saw Nine Inch Nails with all my pregnancies except Lxa. She got to hear the NIN lullaby CD everyday in the NICU with songs like Head like a Hole, Sin, Wish and Piggy.  Yes, I sang them all.  There is something weird about hearing baby friendly Closer.    She deserves to see a NIN show too.

At the last show in NJ, he actually played something I can never have..   For the past 17+ years, it has been one of my (and BFF's) favorite slow songs.

Ha Irt Irt Die

Athena says, "Ha Irt Irt Die" 

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss

Thing 1 and Thing 2

You ask, "Who is that?"

They're a Seussical pair

From the Cat in the Hat

They come out of a box,

Thing 1 and Thing 2.

They do not say much,

Just "How do you do?"

They make mischief & mayhem

with "bumps, jumps, and kicks"

They like to fly kites

and do lots of bad tricks.

They destroy the whole house

while running about

as the fish in the dish yells

"You must get them out!"

Till at last, mom is seen

at the end of the day.

And the Cat packs them up

and takes them away.

Have I mentioned that we call the girls thing 1 and thing 2. C corrects me and says, no they are 3 and 4.  He and Aria are 1 and 2. At times, Thena really looks like Cindy Lou Who.

Lxa learned that she can make different sounds when there is food in her mouth so guess what? yep, she is spitting it everywhere!  It is rather funny but messy. Ms. Thena continues to toss food to the dog and needs a bath after every meal. I can spend the whole day cleaning and after one meal- it is a mess again. In the name of efficiency, I think that I should only clean 1x per day after dinner!

My short ribs simmering in chocolate stout smell splendid!!  I hope they taste as fantastic as they smell.
As I was searing the meat, it occurred to me that I ate short ribs at some french place in Manhattan a few weeks ago. They were that good! Lunch was at 12 and accompanied by a lovely wine pairing. Foofy-foo. From there, we skipped and hopped in true Nikki fashion!

I begin each day humming a happy tune. This morning it is Dee-Lite: Say Ahhh.  "the hippy spliffy made you lick your lippy" There is no rhyme or reason to my madness but it sure makes for a fun day.

Mean Old ladies-

Captains Log: 20-32- Post in a timely manner. Finish the 32 posts that you started before they are outdated.

The ugliest of mornings turns beautiful when I see Lx smiling.  Every day I am greeted with the biggest, warmest smile from my beautiful baby girl.  She is a blast.  I feel like I am one of the luckiest Moms ever.

I am very impressed by Lxa' s physical development.  She is rolling and trying to crawl. Currently, she pushes herself forward and gets to where she wants to go. Like me, she gets flustered easily,  Imagine that? lol 

This weekend I got to see a few people that I have not seen in ages. Oh Joy! Thank smart people for an open bar and irish bartender that knew his liquor.  Since my first date with X in 1993, I have had to put up with an annoying woman.  Back then I was told to just ignore one of them. At what point does, 

"she is old" 

stop being an excuse for ignorance, cruel words and stupidity?  

For 18 years, I have dealt with her "oldness"  She is not getting any younger- You would think that being close to death's door would scare the old religious lady but apparently hell does not scare her at all.  

Lets not even talk about her stealing my lollipops saturday. I could not make this stuff up if I tried. 

Love

For a moment all the world was right How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye 

And now I'm glad I didn't know 

The way it all would end the way it all would go 

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain 

But I'd have had to miss the dance ~Garth Brooks

If you were to change the outcome of events, what else would change in your life?  How would that change ripple through the rest of your life? 

Our experiences shape who we are and what we become. It changes our perception of the world and our relations within it. I hate that "cliche" everything happens for a reason; however, I believe that it all works out in the end. 

I overheard X talking to Lx. "You are such a funny girl, I love you so much." That is what life is all about- Love, family, and an appreciation for life. 

A few months ago, C and I saw Shinedown in an acoustic "Storytellers" format and it was a fantastic show. Nothing beats the opportunity to share these moments with your child. We love Shinedown so it was simply amazing.  Must admit I had goose bumps when they sang- The Crow and the Butterfly which is about a Mom losing her child and the memories that remain. The child is the crow and the Mom is the Butterfly.  It makes perfect sense.  

http://youtu.be/1B89Osfj8dg?hd=1

FB during my Hospital Stay

As I was tooling through old messages, I thought that this would be fun to share.  It shows the actual time frame of events.

Me

Remind me-- i can do this!! Bob is still hanging in there! 28 and 1 day! Not sure of the plan besides do whatever necessary to stay preg for a few more weeks. Met with neonatal dr last night to discuss what will happen if I have her in the next few days... Scary!!

June 24 5:08pm

Ame

Aww ! The minute C saw x he said Mom's in the hospital.. you're wearing a pink bracelet... Hope you have a great visit with them.. rest up..Text me if you need anything.. ;)

June 24, 2010 at 5:08pm

Me

The specialist and 1 dr in my general ob practice seem to think that I will be here until the baby is born. 
Had a wonderful visit with the kids !!

June 24, 2010 at 8:40pm via iPhone · · Like ·

Me

Thank you family and friends for stepping up and helping my family during this difficult time! I don't know what I would do without you... 

June 26, 2010 at 4:02pm via iPhone · · Like ·

X

Your one bad ass momma - I love you - cant wait till you come home

June 26, 2010 at 10:49pm · Like · · See Friendship

MN

HI Nicole, I see your unforuntate news and the posts you are working off a phone.. I have a spare laptop that works well, would you like me to bring it down to you?? I can bring you something to eat and the laptop this week! Just let me know! I would not have survived without my laptop!!

June 27, 2010 at 2:09pm · Like · · See Friendship

     .  

Mom V

You hang in there baby girl.....you are one tough cookie!!!!! Your little princess will be fine!!!! Luv Ya.......

June 29, 2010 at 9:13am · Like · · See Friendship

Me

I am borrowing a laptop (still not used to people being kind) and I must say it really it has lifted my spirits. Thanks M!!!!!! I really enjoyed our visit.

June 29, 2010 at 7:14pm · · Like ·

     .  

Me

‎29 weeks today.....
1 full week in motayho complete. 
On a random note, I think I sleep every other day.

June 30, 2010 at 1:53am via iPhone · · Like ·

     .  

Me

There is a saying that even a broken clock is right twice a day; not in this room! It was click click, tick tick, clunk clunk and banging all night. They must fix my clock or change my room if I am staying here forever. lol

July 2, 2010 at 6:31am · · Like ·

X

Happy 12th Anniversary to us! We must make it look easy. Miss you and love you babe - wish you were here - can't wait till your out. See you for breakfast???

July 3, 2010 at 11:31pm · Like · · See Friendship

Me

‎30 WEEKS TODAY!
2 Weeks in the MoTayHo
  When will she make her grand appearance?

July 7, 2010 at 9:56am · · Like ·

     .  

Me

Eating cherries while watching soccer: a great American pass time. Vamos españa!

July 11, 2010 at 3:16pm via iPhone · · Like ·

Me

Physical Therapy was fun.  Flex your foot- move your ankle

July 13, 2010 at 2:23pm · · Like ·

     .  

ME

31 weeks today! 3 weeks in the MoTayho....

July 14, 2010 at 8:21am via iPhone · · Like ·

Me

yum yum, a large vanilla coolata. Thanks Kath!!

July 16, 2010 at 7:12pm · · Like ·

Me

Too much sugar.... lol

uly 16, 2010 at 10:50pm

Me

YAY, Tori Amos concert on PBS! Who knew........

July 16, 2010 at 11:01pm · · Like ·

     .  

Me

HAPPY SATURDAY!
31 Weeks 3 Days!!

July 17, 2010 at 11:03am

Me

A day full of contractions but mind has won over matter (so far).

July 18, 2010 at 8:26pm · · Like ·

Me

WOW, QUITE THE DOWN POUR THIS MORNING

July 19, 2010 at 7:08am · · Like ·

     .  

Me

There's no earthly way of knowing/Which direction they are going... There's no knowing where they're rowing.Or which way the river's flowing... Is it raining, is it snowing?/Is a hurricane a-blowing? Not a speck of light is showing/So the danger must be growing... Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?/Is the grisly Reaper mowing?/Yes! The danger must be growing/'Cause the rowers keep on rowing/ And they're certainly not showing/Any sign that they are slowing!   
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3CsoSUqRwU

July 19, 2010 at 6:54pm · · Like · · Share

     . RE: What do the lyrics mean? Are they if personal significance to you?

     . July 19, 2010 at 7:00pm · Like 

     . RE- ME: love Willy Wonka and was in a wonka mood. I discovered my diabetes is back! Not a happy girl this evening! 
         IT MEANS:Everything is out of my control and unknown.

     .          July 19, 2010 at 11:04pm

ME

Drank a small iced cofee from DD and visited with Brooke during day. Got really sick tonight. Looks like my gestational diabetes might be back again. 
AND I THOUGHT THE FOOD SUCKED NOW!  

July 19, 2010 at 10:58pm · · Like ·

     .  

     .                     Shan sorry to hear..i was going to stop over and see you tonight but it was after 8 and i remembered seeing that X comes down around 8 so i didn't want to bother you guys

     .                   July 19, 2010 at 11:24pm · Like

     .                   ME:  yes, x was here as well as the dr cause 80% of body had pins and needles and I felt like I was gonna pass out. They, think it might be the steroid shot in combo with high sugar. Your thoughts were greatly appreciated today!

     .                                        July 19, 2010 at 11:28pm · Like

     .                   Shan no problem! hope you feel better soon and i hope for your sake and bob's that she stays put a little longer!

     .                   July 19, 2010 at 11:34pm · Like

     .                   Nurse K Ohhh...nik sorry to hear that! Hope u r feeling better. We will talk tom,      get some rest!

     .                                         July 20, 2010 at 12:09am · Like

     .                   Me    Oh K, now I have that ligament pain that won't seem to go away. Normally it goes away in a min or so and this has been causing me grief for 15-20 min now!!! WTF? Today is a bad day!!!!! Lol

     .                                        July 20, 2010 at 12:13am · Like

     .             Nurse K: OMG...there goes the rest idea! She needs to move position it sounds like. U have had a bad enough day!

     .                                       July 20, 2010 at 12:19am · Like

     .                ME I have been trying to nudge her, poke and prod. Think I need to jump up and down- would that be shaken baby? Lol took some Tylenol- miracle drug? Haha*The Gestapo is suppose to visit me in the am: The dreaded endocrinologists lol

           July 20, 2010 at 12:37am ·

ME

Alexa Nicole was born at 5:48 am on 7-20-10. She is 4lbs 9oz 17inches at 31 week 6 days gestation. She is stable in the Nicu getting some oxygen and dealing with low glucose. what a crazy journey.

July 20, 2010 at 6:56am via iPhone · · Like ·

Nurse K

Yay!!! Congrats to both of you! Nik, so proud of u and your determination to get Alexa to almost 32 wks. The hostage crisis is over!!! She is beautiful!! Luv u =)

July 20, 2010 at 9:46am via iPhone · Like · · See Friendship

ME

This is my last night at the Motayho! Tomorrow morning I am free: no longer a hostage of pregnancy. Sadly, I will be leaving Alexa in the NICU. Hopefully, she will grow stronger each day and be able to kick butt in no time.

 July 21, 2010 at 7:00pm via iPhone · · Like ·

ME

Yes, it is true. I have been released from prison. lol lol Really, I resigned to be a stay home Mommy.

August 23, 2010 at 6:21pm · · Like ·

     

It was great that I had a wonderful support system. It allowed me to see who cared about me.